Alien Doggies

25 Aug

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Seems like humans are really still up in the air about whether UFOs are real or not. We doggies, however, are at a much advanced stage of first-paw cosmic experiences. We know that aliens are real. We’ve met them. Even on a first name basis with some of them too. Humans, while alien to we of canine heritage, don’t count as close encounters even though you do have an other worldly shape. I mean, two legs?! Put you guys on all fours and you can hardly get out of your own way. Most of you barely have enough hair to keep yourselves warm without artificial coverings. Happy to see you’ve moved past wearing animal fur. But I digress.

While I’m still a puppy, I’ve been visited by aliens a few times already. Yep. Took a liking to me. Last time, I was playing outside my condo-crate, shaking my chew toy all over the place, when I heard a familiar alien ship approaching. I can hear frequencies twice as high as you humans and at four times the distance. If you ever see me running away all of a sudden, don’t just stand there. Hightail it out of there too. But these alien doggies are friendly coming from the planet Megas Osteon, in the constellation of, what else, Canis Major. Megas Osteon is on the far side of the Sirius, the binary “Dog Star.” What, you thought those Greeks were just arbitrarily naming constellations and stars?

As Sirius is less than 60 doggy light-years away, and the doggies from Megas Osteon have multiple dark energy powered ships traveling through worm holes, they visit here all the time. Have been for millennia. In fact, the alien doggy that comes to visit me, Oopsy Woofwoof, hey I couldn’t make this stuff up, says it only takes about 25 of our Earth minutes to get here. They even come here on dates Friday and Saturday nights. Oopsy Woofwoof says it’s mostly for the In-N-Out burgers. He doesn’t care much for the Animal Style burger. He always orders the 4X4.

I suppose you probably want to know what Woofwoof looks like. Not to disappoint you, but he looks like a dog. I couldn’t say what breed exactly. He’s not in my Bones N’ Crate Breed Catalog. Then again, I don’t have the interstellar edition. He’s about medium size, has shiny purple fur with green highlights and orange ears and tail. And he thinks I look weird. He even acts like a dog. First time he landed, he came up to me and sniffed my butt. I sniffed back. Been friends ever since. It’s amazing that life on Megas Osteon is so much like life here on Earth. But that’s why Osteons like coming here according to Oopsy. He said it’s like going on holiday to a familiar and friendly doggy resort.

The strange thing is, Oopsy’s dark energy ship, while shadowy on the inside, glows very brightly on the outside. But it’s not visible to humans. And neither is Oopsy for that matter. So if Oopsy flew in right now, you humans wouldn’t see him at all, that is until he powers up his GNT, that’s short for Galactic Nano-Transmogrifier. He can even connect it to his holographic protruder. Not what you’re thinking. When he does that, he can take on the form of any creature. Cool stuff. I wanted to borrow it so I could scare the bejabbers out of Mr. human and chase him around the yard. Think Jurassic Park. Oopsy said it was bio-matched to his DNA, so it wouldn’t work for me. Maybe if I give him some DNA, I can convince him, doggy to doggy, to bring one back for me. 🙂

We always have a great time when Oopsy visits. Sometimes, we play out in the yard with his Quantum Hover-disc, and sometimes he regales me with incredible stories of about his interstellar spacedog adventures. I especially like the one about his chasing the evil mothercatship all the way to the Tree Nebula in the constellation Felis.

Now you humans, while still not convinced about UFOs, probably think I’m making this up. But, whenever we puppies have a close encounter from Megas Osteon, there is always one residual telltale sign they leave behind. Just look at our eyes.

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One Response to “Alien Doggies”

  1. Eileen Schiller August 26, 2013 at 7:18 PM #

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh Pepper!!!

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